Magic of a new relationship – or is it? Depending on your attachment style, but if you are the anxious one, you are definitely screwed. Why do we ( or at least some of us) feel the crushing weight of a new relationship as a wrecking ball that is punching our guts. Shouldn’t it be light, fun, breezy…? Isn’t it supposed to be a time to get to know the person, a time that is chill and easy, before we actually get attached?
But why is it so hard then? Why does it feel like rings of hell are upon us and we are in the tightest of them all.
I don’t have an answer yet, but stay tuned, and maybe I will…eventually lol
I’m currently wrestling with this situation myself – as my usual pattern tends to repeat itself over and over again into oblivion. It goes as follows: I like a guy, we click so fast, we like each other very much. I feel all of those good things (+ anxiety, because I aint going nowhere without it) and then I start crashing out hard.
Every little ‘mistake’ that he makes is a clear sign that he either doesn’t like me or that he is obviously the worst person in the world and he is not for me. That fills me with an insane amount of dread, it ruins every waking moment of every day, until I come to the conclusion that I need to rip that bandaid off and escape that hell once and for all by quitting the relationship. Yes, I think quitting is an appropriate term here, since I feel like I’m inside something that I NEED to escape from in order to feel normal again.
In the meantime everything had become about that person – and I mean EVERYTHING. The only happiness that ever existed in this world is coming from that individual, and if they by any means defie this perfect god-like image of themselves that I have created in my mind they are the worst and most unwordy humans that have ever existed.
This is the anxious attachment for y’all. The neverending pit of hell, between wanting to be in a relationship and to be loved so badly, but failing miserably every time by being insanely crazy at the beginning and running away at the first sign of discomfort. And to top it all off, finding a guy that fuels your anxiety, like a cherry on top of a shit cake.