Many people are subjected to the tragedy of dating the same person over and over again – and yes it is a tragedy, not my drama-ass exaggerating, even though I’m very dramatic.
As my therapist would say, it must be rooted in a pattern from our childhood. Especially if the encounter evokes strong feelings and a sense of recognition- the feeling that we know the person from before, feeling like we have always known each other- right after the first encounter with the person. That’s what the internet calls trauma bonding.
My type is called ‘Bullshiter’, it is a name that me and my best friend came up with after hours and hours of analysis of that damned artsy and starry-eyed type of a guy. He is, by default, moody, but very cool. He reads just the most fine type of literature and you could never catch him watching ‘The Bridgetons’. He is a deep thinker, mysterious, leaves cues instead of sentences and often worries about the social issues that you are probably not devoted enough to care about; always dress his intention in innocence, so you are left debating if he knows what he is doing or if it’s all some weird coincidence.
‘Bullshiters’ like to sprinkle unimportant things, like slightly off texts, sentences that don’t make much sense, intentionally leading you to wonder about their meaning. They enjoy the chase, the dopamine of creating the drama and chaos from nothing. Good examples of those things are when they say things that you don’t understand, wording it in a way that can have multiple meanings, so they can always flip it for their best benefit.
He likes to be liked, and for others to emerge in his aura of bullshitterry, while tearing down ever so slightly at your self esteem. He often casually points out your shortcomings, to cruelly comment very randomly about your deepest insecurities, without a provocation or invitation for such a thing. His cruel intentions are often missed at first when dealing with this breed of guys, because your innocent and inexperienced brain can’t understand why someone would do such a thing.
‘Bullshiters’ show you interest at first, they give you their precious undivided attention that is dressed in inauthenticity. Once you are on the bait, they slide back; they lure you in with their behaviour, and once you’re hooked, let you fall on your face. Of course, they always walk away with ‘clean hands’ though, because they are good guys, they are just deeply misunderstood…
And did I learn anything from dating bulshitters for almost 10 years now?
I don’t think so, based on my recent choices, lol : D
But at least, I know the patterns, I can smell them (no pun intended : )) a mile away with their bullshit…I know they manipulate on purpose, drive people crazy for fun, and cruelty but casually put you down.
Therapy is in session next week so this definitely WILL continue.